A tough leadership skill: to hold two truths at once.

A finance director once made an observation that stayed with me.

He had just watched a difficult issue being addressed directly in a leadership discussion and commented on how unusual it was to see it handled with both clarity and respect at the same time.

That pattern appears pretty often in leadership teams, boards and executive groups.

The issue itself is hardly the problem.

In most cases, everyone in the room is already aware of it but what changes is whether it is discussed directly or allowed to fester and circulate through side conversations, private discussions and assumptions.

In some cases, the leaders make the relationship the priority and ignore the issue as the very large elephant in the room. In others, the issue is addressed in a way that creates unnecessary tension, making future conversations harder than they need to be.

Neither approach serves the team well.

Over time, teams become accustomed to carrying information that most know about but no one dares to name. Performance problems with people don’t get addressed properly, behavioural issues persist, others notice this and metaphorically roll their eyeballs losing hope and despair that it looks like nothing is being done. Focus of people starts to diminish because the problem is being discussed in lots of places except the room where it belongs.

The same pattern shows up in client relationships.

Important concerns are softened, emerging risks are partially expressed, strategic disagreements are hinted at rather than explored head on and followed through. The relationship appears intact because nobody is openly disagreeing but the quality of the conversation narrows in ways that no longer match the complexity of the situation in the clients mind.

Trust is often misunderstood in relationships – it gets associated with rapport, familiarity and goodwill.

If you want to have the type of trusted advisor trust that clients know, like and trust then the ability and willingness to address difficult issues directly while maintaining respect for the person across the table, is mandatory practice for ones future fitness.

📌 Practicing the skill to give clarity and respect in a difficult conversation is key and voila…hello to trust.