Silence. It always communicates something.

Every leader uses silence. The question is whether they understand what it is doing.

At its best, silence is intentional – a pause to think, to listen, or to let others step forward. At its worst, it becomes avoidance: the quiet that happens when something needs to be said and isn’t.

Silence is not neutral.

It shapes what is acceptable in a group just as clearly as spoken words.

I worked with a board where one member gradually began disengaging during meetings. At first it was subtle, on the laptop head down, checking emails and eventually, only their partial presence in the room while their attention was elsewhere.

The behaviour was obvious to everyone but no one addressed it.

Over time, something predictable happened. The group adjusted around that leader and what had once been noticeable became normal and their standard of engagement changed without anyone explicitly agreeing to it.

The cost to the board wasn’t immediate as you’d expect but it reared its ugly head later down the line in the tone of their meetings, in reduced accountability and in the quiet acceptance of behaviour that would and should have been challenged.

Nobody said anything to me and early on in their journey with me, I was invited to the annual Board meeting. Following that meeting which I can remember as if it was yesterday, I raised it with him privately, and soon after that, the behaviour changed quickly.

The issue was never the laptop but it was the silence around it.

Silence always communicates something. It either creates space for reflection and better thinking, or it leaves a gap that gets filled by assumptions and lowered standards. You and I both know which one we’d prefer…and that takes courage.

Some leaders assume silence does its job to preserve their stability but in practice, it often does the opposite.

It creates a parallel narrative in the room, one that no one has tested, but everyone begins to respond or surrender to.

The question is not whether silence is present.

📌 It is what it is allowing to become the new normal.