I read a post this weekend about the fact that most people are born to wounded parents.
For children, this meant taking on the parental role and codependency conditioning: where you focus on changing someone else at the expense of your own needs.
The sad thing is that this pattern continues in their romantic relationships, projecting this onto their significant other and falling into a mindset thinking they are responsible for fixing, saving, and rescuing that person.
Even sadder is they fall into a mindset of believing they’re responsible for the chaos of others.
We know, logically, it’s not the job of the child to take on their parent’s emotions whether it’s:
Helping a parent out of chronic sickness or addiction
Putting on a brave face for a parent who’s being abused
Giving up their own life to ‘fix’ their parents’ life
Only once they seek help do they notice their own needs and patterns.
We all have an inner child within us – some emotionally abandoned, others not.
You?
If the pandemic wasn’t enough of a clue, and you haven’t started please start your healing now.
A great way is by signing up for our live and online Boundaries & Brilliance Masterclass. It’ll teach you how to create your first healthy and strong boundary – both must apply. If it’s unhealthy, that causes people-pleasing tendencies and leaves you drained, anxious and more fearful within that relationship with that person – colleague, boss, partner or someone else.
If your boundary is too strong, you miss out on letting the right things in to experience life in full colour.
Wake yourself up to notice your needs, your patterns and projections onto others and heal…
Out of these three areas above, what will you start with this week?
Your opposite.
I remember Mother’s Day in sunny South Africa. We hosted a braai for Mom and I made this cute bundled-up package with her favourites and a card handwritten from my heart.
My Mom is the polar opposite of me.
She’s a full-on introvert.
I’m mostly extroverted.
Growing up I learnt the power of my opposite.
I learnt how they:
Lead themselves and others.
Fight battles.
Communicate.
Solve problems.
Get results.
From there my admiration grew…
Think about your loved ones, your significant other (if you have a partner), your friendship circle, your team at work, your line manager… do they mirror you or are they your opposite?
If they are your opposite, reflect on whether you clash or leverage each other’s perspective.
I love how my opposite is conscientious, reflects before putting their mouth into gear and is a completer-finisher…
I invite you to reflect on the dynamics of opposites in your relationships and ask yourself:
- How can these differences complement instead of create friction?
- What, if anything, can I tweak to make these contrasts work in our favour?
- What do I admire in my opposite?
Imagine this: You walk into a room, and people’s eyes light up as they see you.
You don’t notice everyone’s smile, you may only notice a couple – but they feel the warmth of seeing you.
They’re delighted to have you there, to share their space and time with you.
That’s because it’s a privilege to have access to you.
You may not realise it, yet.
That’s where I come in, and this is the type of person I serve – my ideal client – who’s dedicated, smart and brilliant at what they do. Their team respect them, are loyal to them but they don’t see their own self-worth fully – far from it.
If someone mistreats you (or someone you know), making you feel disposable, not enough or invisible, it’s time to set boundaries that honour your self-worth. Join my Masterclass on boundary-setting – a skill I had to learn the hard way.
I’ll guide you in the Masterclass to create personalised boundaries, sparing you the pain and chaos I endured.
Don’t let others take advantage, whether it’s at home or work – take control today by booking your place for yourself or sharing this invite with that person.
I had to learn the long, hard, painful and chaotic way.
You don’t have to.
Remember, it’s a privilege to be in your company.
Your worth is non-negotiable, and it’s time to recognise and honour that fully.
You bring so much to the table – your kindness, your intelligence, your unique perspective but you have this tendency to treat yourself like dust – and you people-please and sometimes settle for less than you deserve.
Remember, soft hearts need strong, healthy boundaries to thrive and if you haven’t already attended the Boundaries Masterclass, then join me live and online in a small group of leaders.
Yes, I want to reclaim my personal power.
As you go about your week, remember your inherent value, it’s a must.
My belief is that every day is amazing, it’s just the people that stuff it up.
Sometimes that person is you.
Today, it’s me. So here I am writing this blog with a mindset shift tip that I’m using to shift gears.
It’s inspired by an author called Gretchen Rubin and it’s called the 4 quarters method.
So far today I’ve had my 1:1 boxing coaching session and have just finished my 1:1 yoga session. Inbetween, I’ve completed a couple of tasks and emails.
I did well in half of Q1 and Q2, but the other half of those quarters was a mess. I allowed my emotions to get the better of me with an incoming text, had a far too long call for the umpteenth time with a supplier to sort the office broadband out so I effectively wasted the rest of my time in those quarters.
And many people give up when their day goes haywire or someone upsets them.
If my fitness sessions were combined with a deep work session, a power hour, healthy meal, meetings or planned tasks, then that would have made a big difference. And what happened to my day today is normal, things can be a pain in the derriere….as I’m reminding myself I’m reminding you – make it count in the next quarter.
But instead of saying I’ll do better tomorrow or next Monday, here’s what I’m going to do instead:
Sample of Four Quarters:
- Quarter 1 [Morning] = 6am – 10am
- Quarter 2 [Noon] = 10am – 2pm
- Quarter 3 [Afternoon] = 2pm – 6pm
- Quarter 4 [Evening] = 6pm – 10pm
How can you be intentional with your time in the quarters?
And if you have a rubbish quarter then let it go and plan for a decent next quarter and celebrate that once you’ve nailed it.
Our days can vary, and it’s normal to hit a setback.
But now you know that there’s a fresh quarter coming right up for you, so approach it with a fresh mindset because now you know…
Join me in this LIVE Masterclass to live more intentionally and bounce back better.