Ask.
Don’t just do it.
It can cause more harm than good.

Father’s day is coming up.
I lost my father a few years ago.
Still, the sadness lives in me.
Quietly. Constantly.


But some leaders don’t realise that.
If they did, they wouldn’t be authorising their teams to send fathers day emails to all their clients as the day approaches us.

Two marketing emails landed in my inbox.

One was from a restaurant.
The other, from a hotel chain.
Both invited me to share “a pint of beer with Dad”.

What they didn’t know was that both emails arrived on the exact anniversary of the day my father died — in my arms.
And that I’ve spent years supporting families affected by addiction. I’ve seen what drinking can destroy.

So a “free pint with Dad” hits ugly. It was the pint that punched me.
It represents addiction and death for some. Not exactly the vision their marketing team had in mind but this is someone’s reality. A human life that matters, that someone in the team.

For me, I work on my mindset daily – so it hit more in my empathy for others on the receiving end of this promo email from these giant organisations. Surely someone knows of someone whose parent passed away or they know or are someone who has been affected by addiction?

Now I’m wondering…
* if their leaders are feared and nobody in the team wanted to say anything.
* whether they have a diverse marketing team who share different perspectives.
* if their workplace is setup for sharing of thoughts, ideas and the freedom to express.

Did they mean well? Probably.

But not everyone is in the same place.

Some have wonderful parents.
Some had absent ones. Some had destructive ones.
Some are navigating grief, as I am.
Some are recovering from the effects of someone else’s drinking.

Intent doesn’t erase impact.
This well known restaurant and hotel group had a warm celebratory intent, but the impact was not.

This was a leadership fail that landed with a thump to my heart and a knife to my chest.
As I think of those two big brands, they’ve gone down in my estimation.

And the same thing can happen for us if we don’t ask first.
There is a time and place for this.

This same thing happens inside teams right?

We mean well as leaders.
We want to recognise our people. Reward them. Celebrate them.

But without precision, even praise can land badly.

Because not everyone wants to be celebrated the same way:

☑️ Some love public praise.
☑️ Others prefer a quiet note.
☑️ Some value bonuses. Others, flexibility.
☑️ Some want regular feedback. Others find it overwhelming.

If you don’t ask, you ASS-ume.
And as the saying goes, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
That’s where good intentions go wrong.

High performance is about precision.

In this case, it’s simple: Ask first.

A question to add that’s good to ask yourself, and your team members, could be as simple as:
• How do you prefer to be recognised for your work?
• What kind of support helps you perform at your best?
• What energises you in your role vs what drains you?
• What does a good day at work look like for you?
• Are there any processes that are making your job harder than it needs to be and what do you think could improve it?

And my personal favourite:
“What team-building event would appeal to you?”

We’ve all been on them and rolled our eyes…when you know, you know…

So where in your leadership are you assuming, when you could be asking instead?

One question.
Big shift.
Massive impact.

And a big opportunity for us all to reflect on and lead with more precision and care.

Think back to the people you’ve managed, or been managed by.

📌 What’s one thing you were asked (or asked someone else) that made all the difference?

We often chase imaginary awards.

Invisible trophies.

Unspoken medals we never signed up for, but somehow feel we must earn.

Standards that were never truly ours in the first place.

Which of these non-existent awards have you been unconsciously competing for?

• “Always on”
• “Most perfect”
• “Never said no”
• “Rested the least”
• “Didn’t need help”
• “Left the office last”
• “Lived up to everyone’s expectations”
• “Cared most about what other people think of me”

These awards do not exist.

Except in your mind.

As for the pain?

You’re exhausted.

You’re doing all the things — achieving, performing, giving — yet still feeling not enough. Like you’re living someone else’s version of success, not your own.

The problem?

We blame our schedule, our workload, our boss, our circumstances.

But it’s the noise in your head.

The constant, nagging inner critic.

The mental load that never switches off.

The internal expectations that keep you locked in driving, pushing and performing relentlessly.

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re probably just drained, exhausted and fed up with fighting others and especially fighting your own mind.

Here’s a truth pill for you:

You don’t need to escape your life.

But you do need to stop believing every thought.

Learn how to break free from the unconscious programming that’s been running your life in the background – quietly, automatically, relentlessly.

Every.

Single.

Day.

Including weekends.

And once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

That’s when you get a tantalising taste of mental freedom.

So where do you begin?

Here are 3 ways you can stop chasing the imaginary awards and reclaim your mind:

1. Name the award you’re chasing. Catch the thought in the act. “If I don’t answer that email tonight, I’m letting people down.” What award is that chasing? “Most 24/7 available human”? Call it out, loud for the people at the back. Own what you’re doing. Catch yourself in the act and call it.
2. Ask: “What’s actually true right now?” Most of the mind’s noise is about fear, not fact. Anchor yourself in the present. What’s real? What’s urgent? What’s imagined? Get clear on the difference.
3. Interrupt the pattern. Take one small rebellious act. Unsubscribe from some of these unnecessary emails. Say no. Take a longer break than you think you’re “allowed.” Show your nervous system that nothing will burn down.

Each small shift chips away at the noise.

And every time you say no to an invisible trophy, you say yes to freedom.

This is what we do at Mind Day.

A small, intentional group.

A deep, guided reset.

A day to release the internal battles that have been holding you back.

So you can walk away with more clarity, lightness, and power than you’ve felt in a long time.

Doors are now open for the next Mind Day. There’s one for men, and one for women.

This is not a day where you’ll be taught what to do.

It’s a day where you’ll unlearn the noise that’s been blocking you.

Mark my words, it’s transformational.

The Mind Day is for:

• Women who are tired of being everything to everyone, and need some me-time.
• For men who lead and carry more than they show and want to get their mojo back.

You don’t need to keep it all together.

You just need to make space to come back to you and get your groove back. You’ll find that space on this day.

I’d love to see you in the room.

Click here for the events page if you’re curious.

“There is no greater burden on a child than the unlived life of a parents” ~Jung.

Whether you have kids or not, this is about living for yourself – something high-performers don’t do enough. 

Do you tend to choose yourself?

This week I’d like you to audit yourself.  

Here are some taster questions to get you going:

• What do you need or want?  
• What is your highest priority now?  Are you progressing it?
• Are you happy? How can you up your happiness by a notch?
• What must you add, delete or change? Could be a habit, trimming a person out/in?
• Where do you need support?  To hold you accountable, guide you or make it more enjoyable?

I’ve hired two fitness coaches following an audit that I did for myself.  One coach for flexibility and longevity and another coach for pure sweating purposes:  a powerful combination.

If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be as fit as I am today nor would I be so far in my journey compared to doing it alone.

The process:

1. Do the audit.
2. Do your research to find the best.
3. Make your investment of time, money, energy, focus.  I did this not once, but twice.  I found the first coach in South Africa, and the second coach in France.

Thanks to the audit and focus on leading my-SELF I’m a long way ahead from when I started.  

Imagine I never got started?  I’d be standing in the same position and have wasted time that I’ll never get back.

Do things that nourish, lift, equip, empower and delight you.  When you choose yourself, with the right boundaries you show up for others from a place of power not lacking in something.

Learn how setting the right boundaries for yourself, can dramatically support you to make one personalised and powerful choice that’ll impact your life immensely.

Click here to get your audit started.

Space.

We tend to have a lifestyle where people are mentally obese: walking around with the heavy weight of undigested experiences.  Can you relate?

Recently I experienced an unexpected horrible life shock which shook me to the core.

I needed this one thing.

Something you’ll give to someone you love.

Something that we don’t tend to give ourselves.

Something that you hold for others.

Something you so desperately need, to process what needs processing.

I’m talking about space.

Our lifestyles mean we are constantly filling our space with things, relationships, activities and whatever else shows up in the days of our lives.

Too many people running on autopilot with little or no space to comprehend their life shocks.

So I took the space.  I protected that space so that I could digest what happened.

This edition is for you to do that too.

Carve out solo time, create and protect that space so that you can digest your life shock, day, week, month, quarter or year.

Understand what is happening for you and to you.

Take the time to process, feel, enjoy and truly digest the lessons, and experiences good and bad to convert them into something meaningful to you.

I did that.

I can tell you, it’s raised my awareness to the next level and after working through some tough processing, my mindset has upgraded to an improved version of myself.

Many people in relationships get nervous when someone asks for space right? Understandably so, since it usually means giving or receiving a ‘soft landing’ instead of a hard exit.

When you give someone space, you also gift them with an opportunity for them to get clarity and grow – exactly what I got in the space I gave myself.

Get the balance right and you evolve with an improved version of yourself – mind, body and soul.

Digesting something tough is not easy but worth it!

What will you start with?